What in the world is happening to shoe design? Can you even call these mutants shoes? I promised myself that I was done bitching about Crocs and UGGs, but when I saw these I was speechless. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry because I could have never dreamt up a marriage more bizarre and unpalatable. Mammoth Crocs? As if the originals weren’t creepy enough. I swear, every time I see them I think of Jason’s mask from Friday the 13th. Clearly, I am not alone. There’s an entire site aimed at getting rid of Crocs: I Hate Crocs dot com.

What are your thoughts on the CROCS ‘Mammoth’ Clog?

It may be February, yet the year is still new so it’s not too late to rid of the old. And by old I mean your UGG boots collection. Let’s face the facts together: the name stemmed from UGG-ly, they were designed to be an indoor slipper, they are not waterproof for the outdoors and too hot for the indoors, they have zero arch support, they don’t hold your foot in place, they don’t breathe, and quite frankly they are an eye sore. Shall I carry on <yawn> ? Liberate yourselves from the herd, branch out and discover something different. In my humble opinion, you don’t have to drop between $140 and $ 350 to keep your feet toasty. Opt for stylish old school charentaises that originated during the reign of Louis XIV in 17th century France. Back in that era they were worn primarily by the servants and were labeled les silencieuses, meaning “the quiet ones”, for they allowed silent travel to and from the master’s quarters. At first they were made of scraps from military uniform wool with felt soles and served as boot slip-ins. They became more popular when Dr. Jeva transformed them into outdoor shoes in 1907 by adding a hard sole and manufacturing them in a multitude of colors and patterns. The factory is around to this day and you can buy charentaises on their website at a fraction of the price of UGGs. Get to them before Paris makes them a new fad and paints them glitter-pink.

If you are still not convinced, then you can always crawl back into your UGG Australia Classic Tall Boot